you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
