I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
