The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize