Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
