Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
