Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
