"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
