Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize