Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize