I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize