I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
