i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
