God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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