dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
