Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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