Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
