I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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