She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
