sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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