If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
