I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize