after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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