You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
