Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
