My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize