whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize