I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize