Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
