I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
