he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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