There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
