he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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