We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
