I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
