It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
one might say we're banned from that church
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize