...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
