there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
