There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
