she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
