I want to stick my p in your. b.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
