ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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