My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
