Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
