I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
