Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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