I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
