And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
