Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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