The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
