no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were destined to go to rehab together
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
