Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
