I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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