you have to choose: penises or morals?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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