im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
