Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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