I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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