and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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