dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
