My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
