I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
