I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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