I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
