I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
