that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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