Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
